Lewis Will Die of Natural Causes

There is no chance that Lewis will ever be murdered, kidnapped, or have any other unfortunate encounter with a criminal.

Most of us fear being victims of crime, you know, late at night when we're home alone. After watching a scary movie. Or in those wee hours of the morning when your brain is in freak-out mode and you wonder why you walk from your car to your house without mace in your hand. But then we wake up, the fear drifts away, and we go about our normal day, not always looking over our shoulder or remembering to lock the car door.

But not Lewis.

I have previously discussed our elevator bell that chimes to announce someone's arrival. Most of us ignore it since reps come and go all day and the mail man comes in. But not Lewis. If there is a chime that is not immediatley followed by an announcement of one's presence and title, you will hear Lewis begin to mumble. "I guess this is some sort of axe murderer," she'll often say. Yes, Lewis. That is a plausible guess.

I was the first to arrive this morning, after Lewis - who always locks the elevator behind her. I unlocked the door and came in. Yet I was still greeted with a frantic "Hello??" I imagine that every morning when she hears the first bell ring, she thinks, "Maybe I didn't remember to lock it back. Maybe this will be THE morning when one of those homeless guys finally kills me."

Rest assured, Lewis. You are the last person who will ever be attacked. The rest of us dicey risk-takers who aren't sent into panic mode at the sound of a door bell will definitely go before you do.