Tuesday, October 6, 2009
If You Really Cared about my Birthday
My co-workers clearly do not actually care about my birthday. If they did, they would ask me what I want to do today instead of forcing me to go to lunch with them. Do they think I want to go to lunch with them? Do they think I want to spend an un-paid hour of my time, which is normally used to get as far from them as possible, actually eating with them? Surely they can tell how much I dislike them. Maybe they're making me go eat with them as vindication. Yes, that must be it. Because if any of them bothered to ask me, "Haley, what would you like for your birthday tomorrow?" my response would be, "I would like for none of you to speak to me tomorrow, and if you could also avoid walking within 10 feet of my cubicle and generally stay out of my sight all day, that would be awesome. Thanks!"
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Help 911, I'm an Idiot!
My coworkers go through phases of annoying behavior. For a month or so, one of them will ask me to help them send an email, and then another one will start banging her door into my car everyday. Their usual antics. Lately, Lewis has entered into a whole new phase of annoyance, which I find particularly amusing.
She calls 911 from work. Calls them all the time.
So apparently she's been "working" on this new job in which she has an unfamiliar number to dial. This is no especially difficult number to dial. It's not like it's 911-5443, and if you don't push the 5 soon enough, the police come.
No. All this number has is a 1 near the beginning. So I'm imagining that she must start with the standard dialing of 9 to get out, and somewhere in there she hovers too long over the 1 and double dials it. Or maybe she has a turret's seizure during the 1-dialing, who knows? She is prone to those.
Today, I am especially irritated at Lewis' behavior for whatever reason, so I decided to blast her 911 dialing over the office speaker.
See, Lewis is known to sneak about the office like the midget of a wiener dog that she is. She sneaks out to lunch without announcing her plans. She scutters off on Fridays at 2:30 without saying bye, leaving us to only realize many hours later that she must be gone for the day.
As you can imagine, when Lewis realizes that she has dialed 911 in error, she doesn't say "Oops, y'all! I just dialed 911!" as any normal person would. She scurries to the door in shame and rushes out to lunch. So the rest of us poor victims are left to answer the humiliating phone call from Birmingham City Police and inform them, once again, you were called by mistake.
I was up front signing out for lunch, and I see the caller ID at the receptionist desk read "Birmingham City." This has happened so often that knew it was the police because I recognized the number - sad. So I quickly buzzed the speakerphone to her cubicle and announced loudly, "Lewis, did you call 911 AGAIN??" And then I listened to her stutter in shame as I proudly marched out to lunch.
A small victory for some, but oh how it brightened my day.
She calls 911 from work. Calls them all the time.
So apparently she's been "working" on this new job in which she has an unfamiliar number to dial. This is no especially difficult number to dial. It's not like it's 911-5443, and if you don't push the 5 soon enough, the police come.
No. All this number has is a 1 near the beginning. So I'm imagining that she must start with the standard dialing of 9 to get out, and somewhere in there she hovers too long over the 1 and double dials it. Or maybe she has a turret's seizure during the 1-dialing, who knows? She is prone to those.
Today, I am especially irritated at Lewis' behavior for whatever reason, so I decided to blast her 911 dialing over the office speaker.
See, Lewis is known to sneak about the office like the midget of a wiener dog that she is. She sneaks out to lunch without announcing her plans. She scutters off on Fridays at 2:30 without saying bye, leaving us to only realize many hours later that she must be gone for the day.
As you can imagine, when Lewis realizes that she has dialed 911 in error, she doesn't say "Oops, y'all! I just dialed 911!" as any normal person would. She scurries to the door in shame and rushes out to lunch. So the rest of us poor victims are left to answer the humiliating phone call from Birmingham City Police and inform them, once again, you were called by mistake.
I was up front signing out for lunch, and I see the caller ID at the receptionist desk read "Birmingham City." This has happened so often that knew it was the police because I recognized the number - sad. So I quickly buzzed the speakerphone to her cubicle and announced loudly, "Lewis, did you call 911 AGAIN??" And then I listened to her stutter in shame as I proudly marched out to lunch.
A small victory for some, but oh how it brightened my day.
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